Why the heck do flying cockroaches follow you when all you want to do is get out of their way? Is it kamikaze, cockroach style? I read somewhere that cockroaches that fly are about to die.
Well, this particular cockroach caught me on a bad day. I didn’t care if it was about to die. I wasn’t going to let it have its way with me before it plunged into its final breath. So I went to the cabinet under the sink and found me a spray can of insect killer.
Hah! Come and get some, cockroach! Mustering every ounce of bravery I have in me, I tightened my grip on the can and prepared my forefinger on the nozzle. Oh, I hated it! I was scared to bits and pieces, but I had to do it!
As if sensing the challenge and smelling my fear, the cockroach surged toward me Phzzzzzzt!
I waited until it was about two feet away from my face, then Psh-sh-sh-sh-sh!
It dropped to the floor! Victory! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!
No, wait, it was still moving. I could tell it was preparing for another take-off, so I aimed my can on the thing and sprayed like it was doomsday. The whole time, I could hear myself crying “OMG! OMG! OMG!”, not because I felt remorse for killing the thing – but because I was still so damn scared!
I realized I had made a pool of insect spray on the floor from too much spraying, and there it was…the darn cockroach swimming in the pool of insect spray, as if mocking me: “Is that all you got, human?” I can’t effin’ believe it!
Later that night, when my best friend got home, I told her about what happened. She almost fell on the floor and told me, in between tears of laughter, that I used a mosquito killer – not a cockroach killer! Well, this happened years ago, so the almighty one-spray-kills-all hasn’t been invented yet.
And the flying cockroach? It died eventually. I don’t know how exactly, but I have three guesses: 1) it died because it was about to die anyway 2) it died from drowning 3) it died from laughing too much at me.
Moral of the story: identify your insect killer.
Loser much? 😛