Three years ago, Tatay (my father) died from multiple stroke. He was bedridden for almost two years before that.
On Father’s Day before he passed away, I whispered to him that he can
go. That we will be okay. That we will take care of my mother for him.
I don’t know how he would have reacted, but I knew then that he heard
me. He could no longer speak, but his eyes told me he was listening. So
I greeted him a happy father’s day and kissed him on the forehead. I
didn’t tell him the words “i love you”. I was not raised to be vocal
about this feeling called love. I know that he already knows, though I
think I should have told him still.
More than a week later, he passed away. He waited for the nurse to give
him a bath before he met our Lord. I was told he was craning his neck
somewhere toward the head of his bed, which surprised me. He has not
been able to move on his own for almost two years. That was his last
attempt to take control of his muscles.
This morning, my 6-year old nephew TJ said he saw Lolo Sol (my father)
in his dream last night. The kid was my father’s favorite grandson.
Then three years old, TJ would always dance by his Lolo Sol’s bedside.
Before Tatay was bedridden, it was TJ who would pull Lolo Sol from his
room to the dining table every meal time. He has just learned how to
walk then, and his favorite walker was his Lolo Sol.
In his dream last night, TJ said Lolo Sol asked him if we are all okay.
He answered ‘yes’. Then, he said, Tatay turned and walked back to our
altar. The altar is where Tatay’s ashes lie. All this time, TJ looked
glum and puzzled as he was narrating to us his dream. I sat down beside
him to give him a feeling of assurance, when he whispered that Tatay
was with Jesus and Mama Mary. I held back the lump that was forming
inside my throat. I asked him what Tatay looked like, but TJ’s young
mind couldn’t make out a description. So I changed my question to “what
was he wearing?” Immediately, he said ‘white’.
Lolo is now an angel, I told him with an excited smile. TJ didn’t look
convinced, but I repeated myself to show him that I am telling the
truth. TJ is a smart, calculating kid who just recently asked if Santa
is real.
I believe in what I said. Tatay is now an angel. All these years, I
have been asking Tatay to ‘visit’ me. I don’t know why he chose an
uneventful day to give us his message, but it doesn’t matter. Tatay is
watching over me.