You were one of those who got removed from my Facebook list, and I’m sorry. Well, no, not really, but excuse me. You can say I’m a coward for not letting you know, and I deserve that. They say things happen for a reason, and on this instance, I have lots.

Yesterday, I “unfriended” 140 people from my “friends” list. Today, I took out 29 more.

This is not the first time that I have done spring cleaning of my Facebook account. About six years ago, I decided to take out a little over 200 people off my list. The feeling then was liberating. Today, somehow, I felt a little depressed after removing most of my friends and acquaintances from the list.

Why did I unfriend you? I did because:

You’ve passed away.

I can’t think of a better reason. You, as they say, are in a better place now. In fact, I envy you. That’s why I’ve arranged for Facebook to take care of my account when my time comes. Check your settings, people. Facebook has got you covered in case you die (settings & privacy > account > personal and account information > account ownership and control > memorialization settings). So, really, what’s the use of having you in my social network when you’re no longer here? As one friend said, “baka mag-comment ka pa”.

You left me first.

Hey, when did you leave Facebook? Who is this white shadow on your profile pic? I had to find out this way? Fine. Unfriend. Hope to see you someday in person, though. Let’s have coffee.

You won’t even realize I’m gone.

We never actually interact on Facebook. Yes, we do know each other, but we don’t like each other’s posts. We don’t greet each other on our birthdays. We don’t tag each other on any post. We don’t have recent (if any) photos together. We don’t even bother with a period as a comment to any post. So, yeah, are we cool? Ktnxbye.

You’re too important for me.

I used to brag about being “friends” with you on Facebook, you influencer you! Don’t get me wrong, I was tickled pink when you accepted my friend request, and I’m genuinely grateful for that. Hey, I had a good reason for inviting you, okay. We actually had an encounter in the real world! It’s mostly for work, but it still counts. Now, I don’t think you even care or know that I exist. Hurts, but true. And I don’t blame you. Go be famous while I wallow in my mediocrity.

You forced me in the first place.

It was my personal policy not to be connected with clients on Facebook. Sure, there are exceptions, and you’re not one of them. You’re no longer my client, but I’m not keeping this.

…have we met before?

You look familiar. No, I’m not giving you a pickup line. I actually can’t remember when or how we met, and how you ended up in my friends list. We don’t have mutual friends. Your profile doesn’t give me anything on you. So, yeah, goodbye, and…nice not meeting you?

…I’m sorry, you are…?

You’re a mystery to me. I have no clue how we ever got connected in the first place. Nuff said.

You don’t know the meaning of “agree to disagree”

We have our own opinions, and we can’t expect to have the same all the time. If you keep insisting your belief on me (even harassing me through direct messaging), then there is no sense keeping you as part of my network. My unsolicited advice to you is this: get into yoga.

Your life is toxic, and you make sure everyone knows

Why are you fighting with people on Facebook? Why are saying things that are way too personal? Why are you giving way too much information about how your life sucks? Why is your privacy set to “public”?!!! If you’re looking for sympathy or empathy, blurting out on Facebook is not going to help you. Doing so could even subject you to public humiliation and judgment. If you need a friend, go offline and talk to an actual human being. Better yet, get a lawyer. I know, I know, I can just unfollow you, but that defeats the purpose of being “friends” on FB, right? So, there, unfriended ya.

You have way too many FB accounts.

So, I took the pains of checking each one, analyzed which ones have recent posts that actually came from you, aaaaand…done. So, we’re probably still friends on Facebook. I’m not sure. Moving on…

You just wanted to sell me stuff.

Create a Page for your brand and sell there. I’ll probably like your page if you ask — nicely.

I was just being polite.

I was probably being a unicorn the day you requested to be connected. We did have at least one mutual friend, but, I’m sorry. Perhaps if we have a chance to meet and have a conversation in the real world?…

So, are we good? We all good? Unfriend me. I won’t mind. Just don’t add me if we don’t actually know each other.