Something about my brother’s back made me feel a little pinch inside. He was leaving us for the first time, and I didn’t even feel the vacuum that he was creating. Until I saw him walking away. I wanted to call him back, but I knew that if I did, we would both regret it. Today, my brother is staying in the UK — with his family — for good. Has it already been four years? Two years ago, my bestfriend and I went to Baguio during the advertising congress. She took me to the Botanical Gardens, knowing that I’ve never been there before. When we got back to Makati, I saw one of the photos that she took of me in that garden. My back was turned against her as I was taking a video of a fluttering white butterfly. Again, the pinch inside. I didn’t know how my bestfriend was feeling when she took that photo. While I was having a grand time, my bestfriend was aching for her then boyfriend (now her husband) who was left in Manila. How could I be so cheery when she’s miserable? Somehow, I feel like I never want to turn my back against anyone again, especially my loved ones. That’s why I prefer walking behind them. I want to see that they will be okay. That when they turn, they will see that I am always there for them. Maybe, when it’s my time to turn away, I won’t look back. Because if I do, I will definitely stay.